


John ‘Blue Balls’ Watson

by Trista_zevkia



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 07:04:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trista_zevkia/pseuds/Trista_zevkia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John feels he's really earned his new nickname.</p>
            </blockquote>





	John ‘Blue Balls’ Watson

**Author's Note:**

> A little something to take my brain away from working in tax prep. It's short, but silly.

John was sitting on the curb beside the ambulance, muttering into the darkness. He was alone, and the ambulance blocked the street lights from illuminating him. Lestrade didn't remember John being injured, so he walked over to see why he was sitting alone in the dark. 

"John." 

"Blue balls." 

"What?" 

"In service, I was John "Three Continents” Watson. But since I've met Sherlock, I've earned a new name." 

"Blue balls?" 

”Spot on. John "Blue Balls" Watson. Never again will I get a leg over, as the world's smartest cockblock has made me his special project." 

"Your date is talking to Sherlock now, so clearly she doesn't mind him so much and you'll get another shot." 

"My date found out that she was kidnapped tonight because she was with me, who was kidnapped in an effort to get Sherlock to back off this case." 

A loud slap cut through the sound of vehicles and people. Greg turned to look, but John didn't even twitch. 

"Lovely Sue just decided she didn't like Sherlock's explanation." John said, and Greg's eyes confirmed that Sherlock was rubbing his cheek and Sue was storming off. 

"Didn't know you were injured." Greg offered, trying for a new topic of conversation. 

"Wasn't, until Sue figured out why she was kidnapped. Sherlock got off lucky, as usual, with a slap to the face." 

"Oh." Greg said with understanding, moving his legs into a protective position and checking Sue's location. That was a threat to keep an eye on. 

"Yeah. Would you get me a new ice pack from the ambulance?" 

"Right away." Greg jerked to action, noticing Sherlock was walking toward John. When he returned with the ice pack, Sherlock was sitting beside John and glaring up at Sally and Anderson. Greg repressed a sigh; why couldn't they just get along? 

“John,” Sally started in a tone of righteousness that was sure to come back and bite her in the arse. “If you weren’t cheating on the freak with women, this wouldn’t happen.” 

“Not gay!” John made to stand but changed his mind in a hurry. 

Greg stepped up and handed over the new ice pack, not watching as John applied it. 

“Ta, mate. Sally, Anderson, world at large, let me just say this once again, even though nobody listens to me. I like women, I’m not shagging Sherlock, he’s not interested in me or sex, and I’m not gay! See?” Turning to Sherlock, John pulled Sherlock’s face over with one hand for a quick kiss, let him go and turned back to his audience. “Not gay, not a twitch in the injured member.” 

Sherlock’s face had gone slack and his eyes were black even in the darkness. 

“No desire to kiss Sherlock… John’s words trailed off as he repeated the maneuver, letting the kiss linger a while longer. “Sherlock has very kissable lips, that’s not gay it’s just fact...” 

John turned back to Sherlock, but the gob-smacked detective had finally caught on. Sherlock grabbed John’s face and this kiss showed no signs of stopping. Until some very gay feelings reminded John of his injury and he broke it off to reapply the ice packs. Looking up, he studied his audience. 

“Sally, you’re smart, tough and beautiful. I’d shag you if you didn’t make horrible life decisions. Greg, I’d do you if Sherlock hadn’t gotten there first. Anderson, not if you were the last person on earth; you’re an incompetent bastard and Sally can do so much better.” 

Anderson choked on that for a moment while John turned to Sherlock. 

“Help me up and back to the flat. I think we need to talk, since I’m not up for much else right now.” 

Sherlock leapt to his feet and gently pulled John to his. They hobbled off together, as Sherlock was taking tiny steps so he couldn’t leave John behind. He looked like a puppy trying to get its injured master to run, and Greg made a mental note to never tell John about that image. 

“Those sociopathic fags…” Anderson started. 

“Cigarettes are bad for society, that is the point you were about to make, Anderson?” Greg asked, knowing his voice was harsher than he normally used on his subordinates. “You weren’t about to make a slur that would force me to dock your pay and suspend you from work until you attend sensitivity training, were you?” 

“Yeah, right. Cigarettes.” Anderson muttered, glaring at the retreating new couple. 

“And you do know that Sherlock can hold his own in a verbal sparring match with the two of you, but John’s a bit more physical.” 

“Sherlock! No redirecting my blood flow until the swelling of my penile tissue recedes!” John shouted, making himself ripe for a fair bit of teasing. 

“So no arse grabbing?” Sherlock asked, sounding very disappointed. His voice was softer, as he wasn’t yelling in pain, but the ambulance had closed its back doors so Greg could hear that charming tidbit. 

“Anderson, I suggest anyone saying homophobic remarks to or near the good doctor will be lucky to only get the medicine he is taking right now.” 

Anderson shifted, moving his bits away from Greg and Sally. Sally simply smirked at the men and their outside plumbing. 

“Sally, a man doesn’t get the nickname ‘Three Continents’ without knowing how to please a woman. And, I daresay, cause her pain as well.” 

Leaving Sally and Anderson to think over his words, Lestrade headed for his car. Idly, he wondered if converting the sexuality of men was a talent all the Holmes had, even the posher ones. 


End file.
